In the Case of the “What Ifs” – a personal journal entry

Dear God,

Last night, I went to bed feeling a little heavy of heart, and I’m not sure why.  I just wanted to crawl in, pull the covers over my weary head, and rest. So I did.  

This morning, I woke suffering from a bad case of the “what ifs.”  What if my passwords have been compromised? What if someone “out there” steals my identity? What if the world leaders lead us all into a path of destruction? What if our family never had another Merry Christmas in our home again? God, It holds so many memories.  Will we always feel the absence of our son, our brother? And if we suddenly don’t feel the ache that bears his name, would that mean we don’t miss or love him?

God, you know more than I how much I’ve been pushing my fears to the back corners of my mind and pressing them down to the depths. Does my subconscious do battle all night long?  

Thank you for inviting me to come to you with all my burdens.  Thank you for giving me rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Please now, Holy Father, bring me truth and peace.  

Thank you for fighting my battles while I sleep.  I can rest in because You alone, will keep me safe. (Psalm 4:8)

Thank you for your Spirit who intercedes for me with wordless groans. (Romans 8:26-27) You hear all my thoughts, even the parts I cannot articulate, the parts buried in the crevices of my mind, and the parts that are murky feelings and have no words.

Thank you for singing over me while I sleep. “For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

Thank you, God, the victory is yours. For now, I may need passwords to gain access to earthly portals, but one day, these passwords will vaporize because “Jesus” is THE only password with access to all things heavenly. For you have been elevated to the place of highest honor and given the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus, every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:9-11)

Thank you that my true identity cannot be stolen because I belong to you and have become a new creation. My old life is gone, and my new life has begun. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Thank you that your good and holy power overrides all other powers and authorities. Earthly leaders have no real power.  You, Lord, have made the heavens your throne, and from there, you rule over everything. (Psalms 103:19)

The grief of missing Josh may fill us while on earth, but one day, there will be the merriest of reunions because, Jesus you died and rose again and will return, bringing back all of those who believe and have gone before us. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

God, you have already told me – told all of us – that life on earth will be hard. But one day, when we see you face to face, our pain will be small and short compared to the glory that vastly outweighs it all and lasts forever (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Thank you, Father, for your truth that quiets my fears and pours hope into my weary soul. 

“You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”. (Revelation 4:11)

Thank you, Jesus, for the ultimate truth and reality—the cure for my case of the “what ifs.”