Muscle Memory

The times it has helped me and the time it backfired

He knows it,

I know it.

We have a routine that is pretty much set in stone.

It starts early in the morning when the house is still dark, still quiet. I get out of bed and tiptoe down the stairs, lit only by my phone, not wanting to alert Noorvik, our Siberian Husky. Once he spies me through the window…well, the whole routine …goes out the window. Years ago, when we replaced those windows, we didn’t foresee that he would now be at eye level and perfectly framed. I pour myself a glass of lemon water, press “start” on the coffee and get the dog cheese out of the fridge for later. Next I fumble around for my medication, put it in the palm of my hand, toss it to the back of my mouth, and drink it down. No problem. Task completed. Now, I can move ahead. My goal is to get to my place on the couch with a black cup of coffee and be still before the world starts howling.

One morning, there was a hiccup in my routine. Jeff and I were talking in the kitchen. I can’t remember what we were discussing, but I was fully engaged in our conversation. At that same time, I was getting Noorvik’s medication ready to be concealed in the piece of dog cheese. Once my left hand felt the pill press into my palm, my right hand grabbed a glass of water, my mouth opened wide, my left hand tossed the pill back, and I swallowed. It happened just like one of those chain reaction machines with the metal ball. As it went down my brain sent a message…”Um…you just took a dog pill.” This action was immediately cataloged under “Moronic things I have done.” “Jeff!, I said, “I just took Noorvik’s pill!” He stopped his talking in mid sentence, “What? You took Noorvik’s pill?” How in the…why would…what kind of medication was it?” he questioned. I couldn’t think. I had to concentrate. The urge to go chase a car was already upon me. “It’s…it’s for his allergies”, I stammered. Thankfully the only side effect was a little drowsiness…and a faint impulse to go sniff a tree.

I love that we could laugh so hard about it!

We all have muscle memory, whether we think about it or not. The habits we form, the good and the bad, can become set and, before we know it, they can activate on autopilot.

I have some habits that are unhelpful such as:

Doing the laundry but rarely putting away my clothes.

Not planning ahead for dinner. Once, I scrounged for leftovers in the fridge and forced them into a new “meal.” I either turned a soup into a casserole or a casserole into a soup. I don’t remember which, but it could have been better.

Snacking on chips almost daily – Kettle Pepperoccini chips, specifically. They are costly, so I wait until they’re on sale, buy 5 at a time, and stash them in the basement so I have to do the stairs if I really want them. However, stairs do not deter me. Jeff has witnessed this obsession and asks if our grocery budget has a line item for chips… which reminds me of another habit I have

Rolling my eyes.

Procrastinating. I put off important things by scrolling through social media while munching on my “line item” chips. This is one of my favorite bad habits.

I have more bad habits but don’t want to talk about them because I might just quit writing and grab another bag of “pepperoncinis”

Thankfully, I have some good habits that turned into muscle memory years ago. Early on in this season of grief, I needed to be on autopilot. Grief takes up a huge mental space. There is no space for will power when all you can do is survive. And there are days when all you can and should do is just “be”.

There is something to be said for preparing and training yourself in a time of peace. You don’t always know what storm or battle will suddenly be upon you. Yet,I did not consciously plan to prepare for my tragedy, how could I? I believe God started to direct me, undisciplined as I am, toward the following practices years ago.

I keep my quiet moments with God before anyone else is up. These first moments of the morning with the Lord, whether in stillness, lament, or wrestling with faith, mean I already have a dialog going with Him for the rest of the day. I also listen to Encountering Peace, a scripture meditation. I found this podcast years ago helpful in quieting my heart before the Lord.

Walking the dog in the park or around my neighborhood while listening to praise music helps get the endorphins rolling. Side note: A dog has muscle memory, too, and will hold you accountable.

Going to boxing class and punching a bag helps me to process my emotions that otherwise can weigh me down. I go three times a week for just 30 minutes, at the same time on the same days. My brain tells me there is no other option. “It’s just what you do, at this time on this day”.

Not everyone will benefit from the habits that I find helpful. I hesitate to tell anyone how to go through their own storm. We are all created uniquely, so whether listening to music, playing an instrument, meditating, painting, gardening, singing, reading great fiction, or even playing a game helps you, then make it your habit. Do what feeds your soul instead of what numbs it. I think there is a difference. You probably know it, too. Do you feel more whole, more at peace, or more fractured and frustrated after an activity?

You may want to take a moment and think about one thing to incorporate into your routine that will give you life, and perhaps remove one thing that takes away from your life. I’ll go first. I want to add a daily habit of being mindful and actually thankful for my food and not just “giving thanks” at mealtime. Snacking on chips might be an obvious habit to delete but I still have a few bags to go through. I’m not ready to take that step. So I’ll start with something a little easier like… laying off the dog pills!

Dear Father… thank you for giving us everything we need. You are with us always, in peaceful times and in raging storms. Help us to pay attention to your nudges, your direction. You are always for us and never against us. Thank you that we can trust you even when we may not understand why we must go through hard times. In Jesus name, Amen

2nd Peter 1:3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

2nd Peter 2:19 “They promise freedom, but they themselves are slaves of sin and corruption. For you are a slave to whatever controls you.”

2nd Timothy 1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”